Southern Manners and Etiquette

 

Dos for a Good Conversation (Social Graces by Ann Platz and Susan Wales, p. 72)

• Share the conversation.  Let everyone take a turn.
• Keep the talk interesting and light.
• Never embarrass your hostess.
• Never ask what something costs.
• Never use rude or shocking language.
• Keep personal problems private, especially at another's expense.
• Be sincere with your compliments.
• Correct your spouse's etiquette, grammar, or behavior in private.
• Talk with the people on your left and on your right when dining.
• Be honest.
• Listen carefully.
• Be respectful.
• Learn to compromise.

Guests should remember 

• Be punctual, but not early.
• Cancel only if there is an emergency.
• Make it a point to speak with the other guests.
• Offer to help the hostess.
• Wear appropriate attire--if you are unsure, ask the hostess.
• Do not go to the party ill.
• Don't be the last to leave.
• Always tell your hostess you enjoyed the evening when you leave.
• Call your hostess the next day to tell her you enjoyed the evening and write a thank you note immediately.
• Respect the standards of your host. You may consider yourself a couple, but if your host provides you with separate rooms take the hint and use them. Otherwise, plan to stay at a hotel and merely visit with your friends.
  
• When staying overnight, clean up behind yourself. Make up your bed. Hang up the towel and wash cloth provided for you. Do not leave your toiletries cluttering the sink.
  

Southern mothers lessons for her son

• Always say yes ma'am or yes, sir / no ma'am or no, sir to one's elder and to those in authority.
• Remember to say please and thank you for gifts, kindnesses, and services rendered.
• Remember to write a prompt thank you note when someone has entertained you and for every gift.
• RSVP means Respond if you please.  That means write to accept or regret.  Regrets only means to write if you will be unable to attend.  Do so promptly.
• Always stand when a lady comes to the table and remain standing until the lady is seated.
• Never wear a hat inside.    (Howard, M.L. (2006). Hat Etiquette: Evil Swede's guide to proper hat etiquette. Retrieved on [October 4, 2008], from the Barbary Coast Vigilance Committee Web site: http://www.bcvc.net/hats/)
• Hold the door for a lady.
• Stand when a lady enters or leaves a room.
• Walk on the street side of a sidewalk when walking with a lady.
• Turn off your cell phone when entering a theater, church or meeting.
• A gentleman precedes a lady down the aisle of the theatre and takes the outer seat on the row, unless that is the better seat. He then should relinquish that seat to a lady.
• Never use rude or vulgar language around a lady.
• Do not talk with your mouth full.
• If your dinner knife becomes dirty, do not put it on the tablecloth.  Place it on the edge of your plate. Do not pick up a utensil off the floor.
  
• The man lifts his hand until he attracts the waiter's attention. He may say, "Waiter," "Captain," or "Miss."
  
• It is not necessary to thank the waiter for every dish they bring but Southerners usually do.
  
• Place the napkin in your lap immediately upon being seated.  If you must stand after putting your napkin in your lap, place it on the chair and not on the table. When you are finished, leave your crumpled napkin to the left of your plate.
  
• Wait until everyone is served before beginning to eat.
• Young ladies and gentlemen give up their seat to adults, the infirm, the handicapped, expecting women, or the elderly in crowded buses or waiting rooms. Never be seated until your mother is seated.
• Help ladies put their coats on and take them off.
• At the dinner table, a gentleman helps the woman to the right of him as she sits or rises from her chair.
• In a restaurant, wait to order until after your host has ordered, and order something that costs the same or less than that of your host.
• Wait until your host has set the precedent as to whether to order alcohol with your meal. Limit yourself to one or two drinks so as not to look greedy and insensitive to your host's expense and to insure that you maintain the standard of behavior you expect of yourself. If your host is paying, wait until offered another drink.
• Just because your host has an alcoholic drink, that doesn't mean you must. The use of alcohol is always optional.
  
• Turn off your cell phone during a meal. Explain beforehand that you are expecting a call and if you MUST take a call excuse yourself from the table. Make it brief.
• A man's word is his bond.  You will be remembered by how you kept the honor of your name.

Southern mothers lessons for her daughter

• Always say yes ma'am or yes, sir / no ma'am or no, sir to one's elders and those in authority.
• Remember to say please and thank you for gifts, kindnesses, and services rendered.
• Remember to write a prompt thank you note when someone has entertained you and for every gift
• RSVP means Respond if you please. Do so promptly.
• A gentleman stands when a lady comes to the table and remains standing until the lady is seated.  Do not linger and leave a gentleman standing. Extend a brief but cordial greeting and progress on...or sit if invited so the gentleman might sit and continue his meal.  It is better not to intrude on a private gathering.
• A lady may wear a hat inside.
• Proceed through the door held by a gentleman with a smile and a thank you.
• Walk on the inside when walking down a sidewalk with a lady.
• A lady never walks and smokes.  Indeed, it is preferable that a lady not smoke as that habit will affect her children and the aesthetics of her home and vehicle.
• Never use rude or vulgar language.
• Do not talk with your mouth full.
• Wait until everyone is served before eating.
• If your dinner knife becomes dirty, do not put it on the tablecloth.  Place it on the edge of your plate. Do not pick up a utensil from the floor.
  
• The man lifts his hand until he attracts the waiter's attention. He may say, "Waiter," "Captain," or "Miss." A lady allows the gentleman to attract the waiter's attention.
  
• It is not necessary to thank the waiter for every dish they bring, but Southerners usually do.
  
• Place the napkin in your lap immediately upon being seated.  If you must stand after putting your napkin in your lap, place it on the chair and not on the table. When you are finished, leave your crumpled napkin to the left of your plate.
• Wait until everyone is served before beginning to eat.
• Wait until your host has set the precedent as to whether to order alcohol with your meal. Limit yourself to insure that you maintain the standard of behavior you expect of yourself. When the host is paying, wait until offered another drink before ordering one.
  
• In a restaurant, wait to order until after your host has ordered, and order something that costs the same or less than that of your host.
• Turn off your cell phone during a meal. Explain beforehand that you are expecting a call and if you MUST take a call excuse yourself from the table. Make it brief.
• Young ladies and gentlemen give up their seat to adults, the infirm, the handicapped, expecting women, or the elderly in crowded buses or waiting rooms. Never be seated until your mother is seated.
• Always provide a nonalcoholic beverage for your guests. A pitcher of water should be present for any guest who chooses to abstain.
  
• Just because your host has an alcoholic drink, that doesn't mean you must. The use of alcohol is always optional.

• Turn off your cell phone when entering a theater, church or meeting.
• Be modest in demeanor and dress. How you dress, the language you use, your body language sends a subliminal message as to how you choose to present yourself.
  
• A lady's word is her bond. You will be remembered by how you kept the honor of your name.

Bear Bryant related an inspiring story that confirms the worth of being a man/woman of one's word.

Proper Table Setting    Social Graces by Ann Platz and Susan Wales

 

Place setting for lunch	Resting during the meal	Finished the meal

 

For more Questions and Answers click here.